Bach Recap: 07
I know I say this every week but this was officially the most disappointing episode this season. I said it last week, if JoJo were to chose either Luke or Chase – it’s really indicative of the type of person she is. They are both quality AF and down to earth. If she picks Robby or Jordan, it’s very clear that her motives are completely questionable.
Well, what did we learn last night?
Rose Ceremony #1:
– I thought for maybe one second that she wasn’t going to send Luke home because he pulled her aside. How silly of me! God forbid JoJo sent him home before he told her he loved her and spared him the embarrassment. No, that would be far too kind of her.
– He was a total gentleman and a class act as he got in the limo, and I expected nothing else. He is far too good of a guy to be with someone like JoJo. He was spared.
– She kept prolonging the conversation and didn’t let Luke get in the car. Enough already, bitch! Let him go back to the farm where he belongs.
1-on-1 With Robby:
– The quote on quote “chemistry” that her and Robby have is completely invisible to everyone but her. Their date in that smelly fish market, while both of them were sweating through the clothes seemed like a really fucking good time.
– During dinner, where Robby handed JoJo a very authentic letter from his “dad” is where shit got weird. What dad sneaks handwritten notes into the pockets of their 25 year old son? If that letter was real, JoJo should have run for the hills because nobody wants to marry into that kind of weird ass family!
– Fantasy Suite: I thought they were going to get naked on camera and just have sex right then and there. The cameras stayed a little bit too long if you know what I’m saying.
1-on-1 With Jordan:
– While he is clearly the front runner, I can’t help but wonder who the fuck would plan a date as treacherous as that one. A hike up a mountain in the 90 degree heat? WHILST ON CAMERA. I would have just turned around and went straight home.
– When Jordan and JoJo were sitting in the holy temple, trying not to boink one another I had seriously had enough of her at this point. She was acting like a fucking dominatrix, “don’t you dare kiss me” – WTF?
– At dinner, the two finally stopped talking about Jordan’s more famous and more successful brother, Aaron but they didn’t hesitate from talking about JoJo’s ex, Ben, the entire time.
– Fantasy Suite: JoJo told cameras that she loved Jordan and I was literally holding back my vomit. Them two together are so fucking phony it just blows my mind. They really do deserve each other. I give ’em six months.
1-on-1 With Chase:
– I literally watched their entire date with a smile on my face. From the moment he arrived on that weird little scooter, till the second he dripped fish juice on his shirt. It gave me hope! It made me remember why I liked JoJo so much in the first place.
– Also, shirtless, Chase is fucking HOT AF! LIKE WHO WOULDN’T LOVE THAT?
– Chase didn’t speak the entire season and in one episode he said more smart and funny things than all the other guys combined. Can you say Bachelor material?
– Robby barging into JoJo’s room during her date with Chase was honestly so fucked up and proves the type of guy Robby is. It was a low thing to do! Everyone deserves a chance!
– Fantasy Suite: JoJo never should have handed the Fantasy Suite card to Chase. It gave him false hope and made him think he had a chance. Like God forbid JoJo ever spare someone’s feelings besides her own?
– His reaction to being sent home was by the best one in Bachelor history. He did the right thing in walking away, why does he have to stick around and watch her fake cry? He took his beer and GTFO’d!
– Saying “Oh, is this my Fantasy Suite” while getting into the car just proves that Chase was the real winner all along.
– Do you think Robby and Jordan coordinated matching hair, outfits and terrible personalities?
– Chase barging in and apologizing for how he left things was so unnecessary, but lovely of him. He is too good of a guy to be with a girl whose intentions are to marry Aaron Rodgers.