As of last night, I am officially the victim of a sex crime. It’s like funny now but it certainly wasn’t last night because what I’m about to tell you is very real and very true.

I was walking in meatpacking at around 1 AM with 3 friends. We walked passed a homeless man and didn’t think much of him until we heard him whispering vile, disgusting, sexual obscenities at us. We looked over to find a completely naked man MASTURBATING!!!!!!



YES, MASTURBATING. We literally screamed at the top of our lungs and called the cops, who were lovely BTW. I was in utter shock, but still managed to make it to the diner to have a five course meal (Thank G-D).

On my way home I passed the street corner where he once lay and he was gone.


This morning I took to Snapchat (naturally) to relay what had happened and I received over 50 videos, photos and messages of other people telling me how they too had been victims of exposure and how it literally gave them PTSD. I’m in total fucking shock that these disgusting men can just take their willies out when they feel like it and horrify young women.

Women don’t go around with their tits out scaring young boys. They’d actually prefer that, honestly, which just proves how fucked up all of this is. I’m just in total shocked over all of this. This whole ordeal has pulled out the feminist in me.


I hope I don’t start wearing Tevas soon.