Bach Recap 06

After a 2 week hiatus, The Bachelorette returned in what felt like the longest episode in Bachelor history. She sent home the two guys she didn’t send home last week and I played Pokemon Go the entire time. With every week that passes, I am liking JoJo less and less. Here’s why:

1-on-1 with Alex:
– When the guys open the date card with Alex’s name, he seems sooooo ungrateful. He thinks he has been deserving of a one on one since day 1 when he should really just be happy that he HAPPENED to have made it this far.
– Can you think of a worse date? Riding in a car for hours eating Pringles. I genuinely felt bad for JoJo that she had to spend such an extended amount of time with the cockiest, most boring guy.
– IDK about you but I would have definitely preferred to take the bus with the rest of the guys. Finally their band is back and this time they were better than ever. I didn’t think they’d be able to top their performance at Chad’s funeral, but they did and it was amazing.
– Finally things began to pick up once JoJo and Alex got to the farm and changed. Alex rolled up looking like Lord Farquaad from Shrek and I was thankful to the Bachelor Gods for this beautiful moment.
– I am surprised the ASPCA hasn’t come out against The Bachelor for what they did to that poor horse last night. It was like horse yoga + Beastiality all in one. BUT THEN, them lying on the horse making out was just wroooooooooong.
– TBH it was very wrong of JoJo to send him packing the moment he told her he loved her. But I enjoyed it lol. BYE!

1-on-1 With Jordan
– All the guys basically crapped their pants when they heard Jordan was getting a 1-on-1. Like I think James Taylor wrote a song about how upset he was after that.
– So let me get this straight, Alex had to lay with a horse, but Jordan gets a private plane and a wine tasting? I’m pretty sure we know who the producers liked more!
– When Jordan is talking about his family, he cringingly circles around his UBER FAMOUS brother but finally reveals that they don’t have a relationship. If Jordan were any other contestant, nobody would give a shred of a shit that he doesn’t have a relationship with his brother so why should this be any different?
– JoJo needs to make it less obvious that she is fucking obsessed with Jordan. Like, let’s leave a little to the imagination. When he says “I am so in love with you,” she basically jumped out of her chair. CHILL.

Chase James Robby: Group Date
– This has been the best date by far – at least it would have been for me. They don’t have to go sightsee any bullshit like that. They just get to eat and drink. #Goals.
– James Taylor shoving his face with fries is literally me at any diner after 1 AM.
– When they were all laying in bed together things just got weird. I don’t think the proper term for that is “Group Date” – I believe the word we’re looking for is “Orgy”.
– She gave the group date rose to Robby when I thought it may have been given to Chase. Jury is still out on whether Robby is gay or not.

1-on-1 with Luke
– He is so cute, I just love them together! He is just an all around good guy, so JoJo for sure won’t pick him.
– When he is teaching her how to use the gun, that was just like soooooo America. I loved it.
– He is actually extremely deep (when JoJo stops talking long enough to let him get a word in).

Rose Ceremony
– I like JoJo the best when she cancels the cocktail parties. They are so long and treacherous and her feelings never change because of them.
– SHOCKER: James Taylor goes home. It was his time. He’s definitely going to pull a Taylor Swift and write a whole album about his journey.

Comments

  1. Hannah says:

    This is spot on. You’re amazing

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